so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize