i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
