I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
