so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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