Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
