the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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