let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
