I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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