no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
