Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize