I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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