Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
