At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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