I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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