So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
