So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
