Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she smelled like a LAN party
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
