Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
