Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need to calm my uterus...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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