hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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