I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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