I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
