Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
