Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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