I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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