Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
