I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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