I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
