Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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