i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
