dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
