these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
