Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
