id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
