I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
