I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize