i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
