Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
