dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
