Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
