I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
