Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
