also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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