id be glad to
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
