you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
