You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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