i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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