a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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