I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
