he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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