Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
