are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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