Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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