I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
