The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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