This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
