it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you're hired as official boob wrangler
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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