He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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