I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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