No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i think my cat just said my name.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize