No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
