none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
