I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish you could order shots online.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
