Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
