Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
