please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
