So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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