DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize