billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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