Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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