i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize