just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
