You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
