please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
