i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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