My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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