K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am midnight drunk by noon
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
