i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
