That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
