a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When did angry sex become our thing?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
