Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
