I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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