you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
