I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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