so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
