i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
