sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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