UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
