we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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