I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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