hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
