Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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