You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
