Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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