I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
