are you so shy because you have an std?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize