D3 body, D1 cock
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
4 words: hood of his car
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
