Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
