I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize