You just made me feel so damn special
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
