I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she looked like the before picture.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
