I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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