Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
