Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
