somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
