In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
