my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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