Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
